He's moving. He's moving.

Two weeks ago I wrote a post about how 'this wait will mean something this time."
All I can say is how God MOVES. How he is moving so strongly in my life right now.

Sometimes we pray prayers of desperation. Prayers lifted up with so little strength, that we think the floodgates of heaven will barely open up into our lives. Yet I have experienced that God listens with that kind of ear that one listens with when they're trying to hear in on a conversation in the next room. I know now how much he desires to pour out blessings and blessings and His own Spirit into our lives. SO MUCH.

I came back from a retreat a few days. I cannot explain how much God moved in peoples' lives during that retreat. People were saved. Prophecy was told. Spiritual gifts were opened up. It was such an amazing time of revelation, growth, and prayer. I am falling so deeply in love with my church family. I see in them the potential to grow and do crazy awesome things for God's kingdom so so much now. I know that God has amazing things in store for each and every one of us in 2009. I am so honoured and blessed to be a part of that.

In my own life, I never realized how confused I was. How much sin was dwelling and creeping into my life. "I AM JUSTIFIED BEFORE THE LORD. NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING I HAVE DONE. BUT BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST'S BLOOD COVERS ME. WHEN GOD SEES ME HE SEES ME JUSTIFIED." Justified means "Just as if I have not sinned". This is an amazing truth. We live and Satan tells us "how can you raise your hands in worship, how can you go before God when last night I saw you doing this. Thinking these things". NO. God sees us as if we have not sinned, and if we realize and embrace this awesome truth, we will know that that there is this living SPIRIT within us. A Spirit that came to life when we first believed.

God is first. Anything is second.

There is so much prayer being answered in my life right now.
Change in people around me.
Specifically what I am to do in the future.
God is slowly providing me with skills and my own ministry team.
I know that God is going to provide me with everything I need to do good for His Kingdom.

I am so excited to live right now.
I am so excited for people's lives to change around me.
For the things God has in store for his people!

Yet this is a spiritual battleground.
We must fight and flee with prayer. With the meditation of God's Word. DAILY.
Discipline! I need you now.
I am a soldier saluting my King, my beloved.

Book Reebews.

I know I already posted these on FB, but I want to keep a mental track of digital ..posty..things. I need to sleep.

"I wrote this big schpeal ...shpeal..um shee-peal. *cough* about how amazing this book was. And I erased it because I guess I just had one thing to say: Lisa Hong was so much challenged to her core by this book that it made her feel very uncomfortable and slightly sweaty on the forehead".
Random awesome quotes:

"I heard about a group of massage therapists who spend their days washing and massaging the tired feet of homeless folks."

"As long as we uncritically manage the collateral damage of the market economy, the world can continue to produce victims."

"Tithes, tax-exempt donations, and short-term mission trips, while they accomplish some good, can also function as outlets that allow us to appease our consciences and still remain a safe distance from the poor."

"The early Christians used to write that when they did not have enough food for the hungry people at their door, the entire community would fast until everyone could share a meal together."

Here's an excessively long one:

"When I was a youth leader, one of the high school kids who had "given his life to Jesus" got busted only a few weeks later for having acid in school. I remember asking in disappointment. "What happened, bro? What went wrong?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I got bored." Bored? God forgive us for all those we have lost because we made the gospel boring. I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture of drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them. It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult. Kids want to do something heroic with their lives, which is why they play video games and join the army. But what are they to do with a church that teaches them to tiptoe through life so they can arrive safely at death?"

And one last one...

"Human suffering has the power to move even kings to feel again."

*shudder* I think I made ungodly sounds when I read that last one. He was talking about the influence of Rizpah. (Who is Rizpah?) Rizpah be like the mama you never had. Okay I don't know why I'm talking like this now. I feel like I am getting weirder every day. I am 22 and still a psycho. According to my simplistic mathematical calculations, if this rate of weirdness continues, I shall be impossible to communicate with by the time I am 30. (But you are already impossible to communicate with, some of you say). I hate you. No wait no I didn't mean that. sigh.

p.s. Mad props to Ji-hae who recommended this book to me. I called you during your work hours when I was at Chapters so you could recommend me a book. And you did. And now I feel uncomfortable from reading it. Thanks. "

"When Esther recommended me to read this book, I knew I had to read it asap. So I ordered it on Amazon as soon as I could. I just finished it and it was beautiful. It was frustrating. I think there are a lot of themes in this book that I seemed to separate myself from, but I kept realizing that in so many ways Sarah in this book is me. And the frustration that God must feel has to be ten thousand times greater than the frustration I felt every time she left Michael.

Basically this book was a ficitional (Christian fiction...what? ew? no no trust me it's not ew) retelling of the book of Hosea. The book of Hosea is about how God calls Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer. And it is a reflection of the numerous times Israel ran away from God, but God kept going to take them back.

It's hard to say in words what I'm feeling right now. We run away so many times for so many reasons. We think our sin is greater than God's love. We are ashamed and fear the judgment of other people. We are afraid to truly fall in love with God, and let him fall in love with us. Yet all of these things never make God stop loving us and pursuing us. He is so beautiful.

The exciting part of it all is that God is real. And this amazing unbelievable love is real. I just realized this a few minutes ago and got 'shy' again. Does this occur with anyone else? The sudden realization that you are alone in your room with God Almighty and he loves you like crazy and you love him too? (And then you giggle like a small girl with your hand over your mouth).

Man sometimes life feels dull, like it's a movie that no one watches. I love these very moments of my life when it switches. Life is real. Death is real. And God is real. I love that."


Yes so I think I am bound for another picturesque update. We shall see soon!

This wait will mean something this time.

In the midst of my confusion. God has spoken into my heart about who I am, yet every time I find enough courage to come to the foot of the cross, I run away three seconds after he has spoken because I am such a coward. 'I need time to think', 'I need time to meditate'. I say so many things these days to so many people yet I am not sure which of them are really true.
I want my life to paint beautiful pictures. I want and I want. I want so much and I can say these things till the point where my tongue is dry, but nothing will make it become a reality until the hand of God moves in my life. Giving up control and giving up my heart is the hardest battle yet. It makes me suffer a little inside when I realize that God has only targeted the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the parts of me that are still hidden. The dark parts that require healing and restoration. Life outside my inner world is second in this battle. We can say, I can say all these things, but they mean nothing if life is not transformed. I know that they all mean nothing if the real God is not genuinely moving in my life. I am slowly beginning to realize in my heart (finally) that this life is not for show to anybody else but Jesus Christ. What I accomplish, who I love, what I take seriously and apply literally from the Word is meaningful not because I have done anything or know anything or feel anything, or because I have done any of these with other people, community or whatnot...it's meaningful because God is. It's not my battle to win, I'm learning. It's not my relationship to lead, I'm learning. It's not my power, nor my knowledge, nor my effort, nor my desire, nor my fire or even my actions, I'm learning. "I" and "Me" must be taken out and replaced, I'm learning. In everything, in everything, till the parts where I thought were the hardest to give up (or the easiest) become laughter because they actually don't mean much at all- in comparison to God's great glory. I need my heart to be changed. Nothing that I write matters if that's not changed. Gosh.

On another note, for some reason I want to post the fifth stanza of one of my favourite poems. It's by T.S. Eliot and it's called "Hollow Men"

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow.

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow.

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow.

For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang bit a whimper.

Scrumptious blog.

I have finally found the time to update!
How happy am I!

So here is a video.




And here is me and my promised analysis of how guys sometimes fail at relational issues or rather guys in lisa's life issues.

So yes it's been a long time (for some reason ever since I read this sentence outloud, I hear that Aaliyah song..um anyways), that I've liked a guy or have been 'involved' with a guy. So with this fresh objective perspective back into my life of meaningless boy-relations, I have targeted a BOY WITH ISSUES #1. So here we go!

BOY WITH ISSUES #1.

This type of boy/man believes that he is the sheezybreezy. As in he thinks he is the best kind of boyfriend or guy to like ever. He may not express this verbally but when you reject him in the face, he displays facial expressions of disbelief. These expressions read as 'how could you reject me? i am the sheezybreezy'. This type of boy/man has a lot of pride in himself, so if you hurt his pride, he will pretend one of the following things:
1. he never really did like you in the first place
2. you are not the kind of girl he thought you were
3. you are a female dog
4. you must be further ignored because he does not have the abilities to be friends with a girl who does not also think he is the sheezybreezy.
Don't worry though. Eventually this kind of boy/man realizes that he is not the sheezybreezy and you can be friends again. Or he may end up finding a girlfriend who will succumb to his beliefs that he really IS the sheezymabreezy. But hey who knows, maybe to her he is! The end.

***disclaimer: i am not actually bitter about these types of guys or any guys i've "been with", i think they're all great in their own ways, i'm just mean. that's all. mean but not bitter. i hope that makes sense. i have to go make cookies now.

A mild case of craziness

Okay so this isn't an important topic or whatnot,
but I think I have a slight case of trypophobia.

Basically it is a phobia where one is afraid or discomforted by holes that are in clusters. This kind of sounds confusing but here are a few examples I found from another website:



and



I don't know what it is, but it slightly freaks me out. For some people it makes them feel sick to their stomach. I'm glad that I'm not of that case but still man, it's not pleasant to look at right?

On another note,

I recently bought a new blush.
I've been using NARS "Orgasm" for a while, and it is a nice blush, but I wanted something slightly different. (Not totally different, cause I still like those pinky colours)
So I bought the Diorshow Powder in "Catwalk Pink".
It's in this really cute case and it's really really nice. It looks really natural.
Totally recommend it!



AND on another note,
I've decided to step up and try out the position of Missions Director at my church. They basically look over the ministry of evangelizing and missions. BUT just to see whether this is where God wants me to be, I'm going to help out with Operation Joy. It is the second project from Operation Kindness that Taein through the B.A.S.I.C. group is hosting. It's very similar to Operation Christmas Child, but instead of making a shoebox filled with gifts for one child, it's making an entire family package of presents for one family. So it's kind of like 'adopting a family'.

First thing first is that I have to figure out how to fundraise money to buy the gifts that we as a church will decide on. I don't have too much fundraising experience but I do have some ideas. I will have to pray about it more. Nevertheless I am excited! I think I feel most alive in my faith when I am actively serving, so praise God!

I love unnies.

Ah Here's a nice picture update!

Last week I got to play with Grace, Esther, Deborah, and Ji!
It was such a well executed night of fun.
I hope we get to do it again!


The night started off with devouring a craving that some of us had: JJAM JJA MYUN! The best creation since the creation of jja jja myun and jjam bbong individually.



And THEN we decided to hit up the nrb, HOW I missed it (from Korea days). If I ever got one for Christmas I would never find a job because I would just stay home and sing for hours on end. (Oh wait I already do that). Anyways! Here is JI singing like an ANGEL!



And here is Esther, Grace, and Deborah who all took part! YES even Grace!!


And of course ms. Esther singing!! She sang the infamous 'Ken Lee', it was too great.

Then we decided to go to Soban for some yummy treats. I didn't know that their waffles would be half decent!







...for some reason the picture I took of Ji and the waffle is NOT working. bummer. and why are these pictures so small! oh well next time!


All in all it was a great night with some God-loving women. I hope we do movie night sometime and I hope at that movie night I can make someone play Hotel 626 with me! It's an online game that is apparently really scary and I'm too much of a wuss to play it by myself.

PS. Those cosmetic products+different types of boys+possible drastic hair colour change blogs are coming up so very soon...

A tipsy post

Ah, I love the thoughts I have when I am tipsy.
I just came back from a birthday party and the alcohol is almost all worn off.
That with a mix of tiredness seemed like the perfect mindset for me to update my blog.

(No I did not take this picture. Ildo or Joel did. Either way I wish I did).

Anyways, a statement I claim: There's a difference between drawing within the lines being chained than drawing within the lines with no chains.

It seems like an obvious thing for many people but for myself it is difficult for me to fully realize in my own life.

A question: do our own constructs keep us captive our entire lives? and are we all in denial? For some reason, I have this deep belief that we are all in denial all the time. Here are some other beliefs that I have that I often don't openly say:

- We are always in a constant state of awareness of those around us and how loved they project to be
- We are...yes all in denial always, of something.
- We unconsciously wake up in the morning and ask our inner selves, "so, what mask should I put on today?" I think I can count on one hand how many people I know that don't seem to ask this question (well in my eyes...my narrow...blind eyes).
- Our walls protecting our heart are thicker than we think.

HAHA I seem so critical and judgmental right now. I guess I am that kind of person. For me there is a fine line between being judgmental and perceptive. Anyways I find people interesting. Like really really interesting. Even people that I have known for a long time. 'Why did they do that?' 'Why do they say this or that?' 'Why are they looking at whatsover like that'? I always come to a conclusion in my head no matter whether it is right or wrong. I guess for me, I need to have some sort of answers, whether they be correct or not for me to have some peace of mind. I am waiting for the day when I meet that one person where I don't have the answers so easily. Then again now that I think about it, the answers have not always come so easily. People are so deep and profound and I love that.

I wish I did a blog right now about all the different types of guys I have ever been somewhat 'involved' with. I have categories and intricate criticisms. Funny ones I think! I will one day when I have enough energy. Right now I'm so tired!