Book Reebews.

I know I already posted these on FB, but I want to keep a mental track of digital ..posty..things. I need to sleep.

"I wrote this big schpeal ...shpeal..um shee-peal. *cough* about how amazing this book was. And I erased it because I guess I just had one thing to say: Lisa Hong was so much challenged to her core by this book that it made her feel very uncomfortable and slightly sweaty on the forehead".
Random awesome quotes:

"I heard about a group of massage therapists who spend their days washing and massaging the tired feet of homeless folks."

"As long as we uncritically manage the collateral damage of the market economy, the world can continue to produce victims."

"Tithes, tax-exempt donations, and short-term mission trips, while they accomplish some good, can also function as outlets that allow us to appease our consciences and still remain a safe distance from the poor."

"The early Christians used to write that when they did not have enough food for the hungry people at their door, the entire community would fast until everyone could share a meal together."

Here's an excessively long one:

"When I was a youth leader, one of the high school kids who had "given his life to Jesus" got busted only a few weeks later for having acid in school. I remember asking in disappointment. "What happened, bro? What went wrong?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I got bored." Bored? God forgive us for all those we have lost because we made the gospel boring. I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture of drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them. It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult. Kids want to do something heroic with their lives, which is why they play video games and join the army. But what are they to do with a church that teaches them to tiptoe through life so they can arrive safely at death?"

And one last one...

"Human suffering has the power to move even kings to feel again."

*shudder* I think I made ungodly sounds when I read that last one. He was talking about the influence of Rizpah. (Who is Rizpah?) Rizpah be like the mama you never had. Okay I don't know why I'm talking like this now. I feel like I am getting weirder every day. I am 22 and still a psycho. According to my simplistic mathematical calculations, if this rate of weirdness continues, I shall be impossible to communicate with by the time I am 30. (But you are already impossible to communicate with, some of you say). I hate you. No wait no I didn't mean that. sigh.

p.s. Mad props to Ji-hae who recommended this book to me. I called you during your work hours when I was at Chapters so you could recommend me a book. And you did. And now I feel uncomfortable from reading it. Thanks. "

"When Esther recommended me to read this book, I knew I had to read it asap. So I ordered it on Amazon as soon as I could. I just finished it and it was beautiful. It was frustrating. I think there are a lot of themes in this book that I seemed to separate myself from, but I kept realizing that in so many ways Sarah in this book is me. And the frustration that God must feel has to be ten thousand times greater than the frustration I felt every time she left Michael.

Basically this book was a ficitional (Christian fiction...what? ew? no no trust me it's not ew) retelling of the book of Hosea. The book of Hosea is about how God calls Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer. And it is a reflection of the numerous times Israel ran away from God, but God kept going to take them back.

It's hard to say in words what I'm feeling right now. We run away so many times for so many reasons. We think our sin is greater than God's love. We are ashamed and fear the judgment of other people. We are afraid to truly fall in love with God, and let him fall in love with us. Yet all of these things never make God stop loving us and pursuing us. He is so beautiful.

The exciting part of it all is that God is real. And this amazing unbelievable love is real. I just realized this a few minutes ago and got 'shy' again. Does this occur with anyone else? The sudden realization that you are alone in your room with God Almighty and he loves you like crazy and you love him too? (And then you giggle like a small girl with your hand over your mouth).

Man sometimes life feels dull, like it's a movie that no one watches. I love these very moments of my life when it switches. Life is real. Death is real. And God is real. I love that."


Yes so I think I am bound for another picturesque update. We shall see soon!

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

I hate hate times like these.
Where I am unhappy inside
but I am still happy or apathetic on the outside lining of my heart.

I hate how I don't know who I am anymore,
and I hate how I want to have all the answers.
I hate how I'm so aware of my consciousness of my goodness and badness.

I hate how I'm listening to all this indie music and how I'm liking it.

I disklike how I'm holding back from being myself.
Once again, WHO AM I?

I'm so stubborn EH?

let me start from the beginning:
- acted like a grown up when I was 2, drank coffee & spent my time with university girls
- didn't like sweets when I came back to korea
- loved going to preschool/kindergarden, didn't cry leaving mom
- first strongest desire to do anything that i can remember was to READ
- was a dramatic kid
- was a depressed kid
- was a hyper and happy kid
- didn't understand world vision commercials and stuck with me till the end
- loved my brother and wanted to be like him
- pink power ranger
- had glasses since i was 8
- lessons learned & quit: swimming, skating, skiing, piano, violin, horseback riding
- silverbirch club
- loved pink, then hated it, then liked it again
- definite ugly phase happened and self-esteem went down
- didn't have korean friends till grade 9
- church history messed up
- believed that was God was real ever since i could remember
- so many crushes....they lasted for so long too
- i just wanted to be wanted
- things i wanted to be: philosopher, teacher, paleontologist, architect, artist, writer, doctor
- i still don't feel comfortable in my own skin, i don't think i ever did
- read hard books without understanding them
- hated that rep, yet loved it, without it, who was i
- first year showed it was a facade, isn't it continuously


Maybe I am kidding myself all along.
I'm still that little girl inside.
Maybe I'm not that open,
maybe it's not that easy getting to know the real me.
Maybe I'm emotionally premiscuous because then people won't ask.
Maybe I don't respect guys too.
Maybe i can't take them seriously too.

I want to stop giving my heart away so easily.
But I'll never stop until I really know and understand that I am worth it.

Gossip, Envy, & Love

Gossip creates envy, so much misunderstanding, confusing relationships, a hidden undertone to commnication.

I remember I gossiped so much in middle school,
but after I met Jesus in the beginning of high school, I told myself that I wasn't going to gossip.
I didn't gossip. I think probably I did a bit but I had a very keen conscious of it.

Now I'm so much older and I feel like I do it all the time.
I hate myself for doing it.
I don't even like hearing it, but sometimes I feel like if I don't listen to it,
nobody would confide anything in me.
Gossip destructs because you lose a friend and gain another.

There are times when we sincerely want to discuss feelings of angst and bitterness that is within us.
I just don't think we should talk about these with friends first.
Go to the THRONE before you go to the PHONE.
God speaks to me about my issues. This is so much better than friends who may or may not support your feelings and thoughts. People are biased and cannot fully know what you are going through. But God does.

Because I gossip at times, I feel like people gossip about me. This is unhealthy, it proves that Bible verse.

To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.
Titus 1:15

I want to stop! I want to love.
Love is what covers all wrongs. It laughs at these stupid thoughts that go through your head. It secures peace and true relationship.

I am too proud.
I am not perfect.
I am not near anything what I want to be, but I want to let go of even that.
Let God make me into the one he wants to make me, not what I think is the best me.

Letting go & Balancing & Trusting are the hardest parts of being with God I think.

Him and You.

I kissed your picture this morning
and I knew that you liked it

Every time I come back,
we have such a good time together.
Sometimes I forget that it started off with pain and confusion.

The curves of my body
The shape of my soul
I feel so pretty when I'm with you

It excites me!
Where will it go from here?
My whole life. Your whole Life.
So much to do. So much to feel and say.
Where will you take me?
Where will I take you?

Is it true?
It's true
Is it?
It is

You're so patient.
You're so loving.
You're so gentle.
You're so beautiful.

And you know me.
And you accept me.