Saturday, December 27, 2008

He's moving. He's moving.

Two weeks ago I wrote a post about how 'this wait will mean something this time."
All I can say is how God MOVES. How he is moving so strongly in my life right now.

Sometimes we pray prayers of desperation. Prayers lifted up with so little strength, that we think the floodgates of heaven will barely open up into our lives. Yet I have experienced that God listens with that kind of ear that one listens with when they're trying to hear in on a conversation in the next room. I know now how much he desires to pour out blessings and blessings and His own Spirit into our lives. SO MUCH.

I came back from a retreat a few days. I cannot explain how much God moved in peoples' lives during that retreat. People were saved. Prophecy was told. Spiritual gifts were opened up. It was such an amazing time of revelation, growth, and prayer. I am falling so deeply in love with my church family. I see in them the potential to grow and do crazy awesome things for God's kingdom so so much now. I know that God has amazing things in store for each and every one of us in 2009. I am so honoured and blessed to be a part of that.

In my own life, I never realized how confused I was. How much sin was dwelling and creeping into my life. "I AM JUSTIFIED BEFORE THE LORD. NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING I HAVE DONE. BUT BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST'S BLOOD COVERS ME. WHEN GOD SEES ME HE SEES ME JUSTIFIED." Justified means "Just as if I have not sinned". This is an amazing truth. We live and Satan tells us "how can you raise your hands in worship, how can you go before God when last night I saw you doing this. Thinking these things". NO. God sees us as if we have not sinned, and if we realize and embrace this awesome truth, we will know that that there is this living SPIRIT within us. A Spirit that came to life when we first believed.

God is first. Anything is second.

There is so much prayer being answered in my life right now.
Change in people around me.
Specifically what I am to do in the future.
God is slowly providing me with skills and my own ministry team.
I know that God is going to provide me with everything I need to do good for His Kingdom.

I am so excited to live right now.
I am so excited for people's lives to change around me.
For the things God has in store for his people!

Yet this is a spiritual battleground.
We must fight and flee with prayer. With the meditation of God's Word. DAILY.
Discipline! I need you now.
I am a soldier saluting my King, my beloved.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Book Reebews.

I know I already posted these on FB, but I want to keep a mental track of digital ..posty..things. I need to sleep.

"I wrote this big schpeal shee-peal. *cough* about how amazing this book was. And I erased it because I guess I just had one thing to say: Lisa Hong was so much challenged to her core by this book that it made her feel very uncomfortable and slightly sweaty on the forehead".
Random awesome quotes:

"I heard about a group of massage therapists who spend their days washing and massaging the tired feet of homeless folks."

"As long as we uncritically manage the collateral damage of the market economy, the world can continue to produce victims."

"Tithes, tax-exempt donations, and short-term mission trips, while they accomplish some good, can also function as outlets that allow us to appease our consciences and still remain a safe distance from the poor."

"The early Christians used to write that when they did not have enough food for the hungry people at their door, the entire community would fast until everyone could share a meal together."

Here's an excessively long one:

"When I was a youth leader, one of the high school kids who had "given his life to Jesus" got busted only a few weeks later for having acid in school. I remember asking in disappointment. "What happened, bro? What went wrong?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I got bored." Bored? God forgive us for all those we have lost because we made the gospel boring. I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture of drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them. It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult. Kids want to do something heroic with their lives, which is why they play video games and join the army. But what are they to do with a church that teaches them to tiptoe through life so they can arrive safely at death?"

And one last one...

"Human suffering has the power to move even kings to feel again."

*shudder* I think I made ungodly sounds when I read that last one. He was talking about the influence of Rizpah. (Who is Rizpah?) Rizpah be like the mama you never had. Okay I don't know why I'm talking like this now. I feel like I am getting weirder every day. I am 22 and still a psycho. According to my simplistic mathematical calculations, if this rate of weirdness continues, I shall be impossible to communicate with by the time I am 30. (But you are already impossible to communicate with, some of you say). I hate you. No wait no I didn't mean that. sigh.

p.s. Mad props to Ji-hae who recommended this book to me. I called you during your work hours when I was at Chapters so you could recommend me a book. And you did. And now I feel uncomfortable from reading it. Thanks. "

"When Esther recommended me to read this book, I knew I had to read it asap. So I ordered it on Amazon as soon as I could. I just finished it and it was beautiful. It was frustrating. I think there are a lot of themes in this book that I seemed to separate myself from, but I kept realizing that in so many ways Sarah in this book is me. And the frustration that God must feel has to be ten thousand times greater than the frustration I felt every time she left Michael.

Basically this book was a ficitional (Christian fiction...what? ew? no no trust me it's not ew) retelling of the book of Hosea. The book of Hosea is about how God calls Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer. And it is a reflection of the numerous times Israel ran away from God, but God kept going to take them back.

It's hard to say in words what I'm feeling right now. We run away so many times for so many reasons. We think our sin is greater than God's love. We are ashamed and fear the judgment of other people. We are afraid to truly fall in love with God, and let him fall in love with us. Yet all of these things never make God stop loving us and pursuing us. He is so beautiful.

The exciting part of it all is that God is real. And this amazing unbelievable love is real. I just realized this a few minutes ago and got 'shy' again. Does this occur with anyone else? The sudden realization that you are alone in your room with God Almighty and he loves you like crazy and you love him too? (And then you giggle like a small girl with your hand over your mouth).

Man sometimes life feels dull, like it's a movie that no one watches. I love these very moments of my life when it switches. Life is real. Death is real. And God is real. I love that."

Yes so I think I am bound for another picturesque update. We shall see soon!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

This wait will mean something this time.

In the midst of my confusion. God has spoken into my heart about who I am, yet every time I find enough courage to come to the foot of the cross, I run away three seconds after he has spoken because I am such a coward. 'I need time to think', 'I need time to meditate'. I say so many things these days to so many people yet I am not sure which of them are really true.
I want my life to paint beautiful pictures. I want and I want. I want so much and I can say these things till the point where my tongue is dry, but nothing will make it become a reality until the hand of God moves in my life. Giving up control and giving up my heart is the hardest battle yet. It makes me suffer a little inside when I realize that God has only targeted the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the parts of me that are still hidden. The dark parts that require healing and restoration. Life outside my inner world is second in this battle. We can say, I can say all these things, but they mean nothing if life is not transformed. I know that they all mean nothing if the real God is not genuinely moving in my life. I am slowly beginning to realize in my heart (finally) that this life is not for show to anybody else but Jesus Christ. What I accomplish, who I love, what I take seriously and apply literally from the Word is meaningful not because I have done anything or know anything or feel anything, or because I have done any of these with other people, community or's meaningful because God is. It's not my battle to win, I'm learning. It's not my relationship to lead, I'm learning. It's not my power, nor my knowledge, nor my effort, nor my desire, nor my fire or even my actions, I'm learning. "I" and "Me" must be taken out and replaced, I'm learning. In everything, in everything, till the parts where I thought were the hardest to give up (or the easiest) become laughter because they actually don't mean much at all- in comparison to God's great glory. I need my heart to be changed. Nothing that I write matters if that's not changed. Gosh.

On another note, for some reason I want to post the fifth stanza of one of my favourite poems. It's by T.S. Eliot and it's called "Hollow Men"


Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow.

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow.

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow.

For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang bit a whimper.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Scrumptious blog.

I have finally found the time to update!
How happy am I!

So here is a video.

And here is me and my promised analysis of how guys sometimes fail at relational issues or rather guys in lisa's life issues.

So yes it's been a long time (for some reason ever since I read this sentence outloud, I hear that Aaliyah anyways), that I've liked a guy or have been 'involved' with a guy. So with this fresh objective perspective back into my life of meaningless boy-relations, I have targeted a BOY WITH ISSUES #1. So here we go!


This type of boy/man believes that he is the sheezybreezy. As in he thinks he is the best kind of boyfriend or guy to like ever. He may not express this verbally but when you reject him in the face, he displays facial expressions of disbelief. These expressions read as 'how could you reject me? i am the sheezybreezy'. This type of boy/man has a lot of pride in himself, so if you hurt his pride, he will pretend one of the following things:
1. he never really did like you in the first place
2. you are not the kind of girl he thought you were
3. you are a female dog
4. you must be further ignored because he does not have the abilities to be friends with a girl who does not also think he is the sheezybreezy.
Don't worry though. Eventually this kind of boy/man realizes that he is not the sheezybreezy and you can be friends again. Or he may end up finding a girlfriend who will succumb to his beliefs that he really IS the sheezymabreezy. But hey who knows, maybe to her he is! The end.

***disclaimer: i am not actually bitter about these types of guys or any guys i've "been with", i think they're all great in their own ways, i'm just mean. that's all. mean but not bitter. i hope that makes sense. i have to go make cookies now.