Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Rainy Day.

I rearranged my entire room yesterday as an act of procrastination. Sometimes I have to physically rearrange something in my life in order for that to reflect a change in my habits/mentality. So now my desk is faced towards my window which happens to fit just perfectly! I am now officially my street's neighbourhood watch.

It's raining really hard right now. I kind of like it. I feel like the rain is washing away things clean again.

Interruption for Neighbourhood Watch Update: I keep seeing squirrels running around on the streets like crazy. They don't know in what direction to go, it's like the rain is confusing them. HAHAHAHAA they are so cute.

This past week I realized I was a little down and I didn't know what it was. As I was reading my book on the subway (I have finally found a way to finish all 13 books I have started...I read them on the subway. Genius commuters have inspired me, thank you) I came across a part in the book that talked about loving others. I know it's so cliche but sometimes we forget that there is a reason why they are so cliche.

Anyways basically I had this revelation that I suck. Yes yes it is a revelation that I have very often but this time it really made me feel free from the inside out. I realized that one of the reasons I was down is because I was not placing my efforts to love other people as much as I could. When we place all our energy on our own problems and thoughts I think we die a little inside each day. We were meant to love. We were meant to foster relationships, because that is exactly what Jesus did when he was on this earth.

I started to think...if I had to make a pie chart of how much time I spend on my own problems and life, and how much I spend on the lives of others. The result was really sad. Do I know the love languages of my closest friends? Of my own parents? Do I seek to really understand other people and how they feel loved the most? Am I really concerned about any of this? No...I'm not. This lead onto other revelations that I won't talk about here but bottomline is that I'm thankful. When we're ready to face our own inadequacies and own up to them, I think God slips in the truth in our heads little by little in ways of kindness. I know for a fact that if a person came straight up to me and said I sucked and that I have to love others more that I would probably be uber depressed for a while before I started to act on that. Yet God encourages while he shapes our character up. Well at least for me!

I am encouraged now that even though I am far from having it right, that I have today and hopefully tomorrow to place my efforts in what I have been entrusted with.

So straight up to whoever is reading this: What's your love language? From first to last?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

What you're really doing...

I wrote a blog entry on the subway a few days ago:

Today on the subway I looked at one of those United Way posters that have been here and there. I think they're cool and gross at the same time. This one however caught my eye for different reasons.

It was of a guy that was coming out of a "human suit" of someone who worked in a kitchen. The "new guy" was wearing what it looked like dental assistant wear or something. I thought this was really weird because I wondered how those who really do work in kitchens (& enjoy it) feel when they view this picture. "What you're really giving is a way out". What if they don't want out? The other posters...can it be applied to them as well? It really makes me question the differences we place on ourselves versus others. And it makes me want to think more about this "great" voice we speak on others' behalf as their advocates. Do we as advocates on the "other side" really give freedom to those who have no voice to move & change? How much of this change do we control in theory as well as in practice? Can we speak on peoples behalf on a personal level? In other words, do we even know these people who we speak for as friends, as family? I know I don't for the most part. This is why the voice of one in active community is stronger than an outsider with knowledge. Knowledge vs. knowing.


On another note, I just came back from watching Star Trek. It was freaking amazing! I want to watch it again! And yes when I got home I did practice my 'Live long and prosper" hand sign. I loved Spock in it, a.k.a. Syler hahaha. Okay I'm officially dead beat.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A Challenge or two

I used to resent it when people would tell me that I "think too much". The best comeback I would have for those people would be, "Screw you! YOU think too much!" I think I realized it was the blatant truth yesterday. I think way too much. And thinking without action results in either bitterness, apathy, or unpainted dreams. Maybe thinking too much isn't the issue but rather your character, your perspective IN those thoughts.

My second semester of school has thus begun! HURRAH! I'm actually pretty excited about it inside but I don't like to openly show my happiness, especially to other students in my class. I don't want to be labeled as the 'geeky asian girl who actually enjoys school." (Even though it is really really true!).

One of the coming up projects involves making a functional 3D model that is either:

a) a musical instrument
b) a toy for a child
c) an object that improves/benefits society.

I decided to go with option [C]. My idea that is floating around in my head is a kit called "The Ultimate Life Guide for the Socially Awkward". It will involve LED lights, so I'm going to ATTEMPT to try to make some sort of contraption with a programmed light sequence in it as well. I realized yesterday that this involves physics, so I blurted out "FML" and just said "ok let's go with this challenge".

Today my co-student friend challenged me to a challenge. We are to draw a life-drawing every single day for two weeks, or we have to pay each other a quarter for each failed day. I think it'll be a good challenge for me to take on. I fail at drawing and I really want to improve, even though it may mean me becoming the creepy sketching lady on the subway. Aigoooo.

New Korean drama = amazing happiness of life.

A lot of people need prayer these days, I want to become strong so I can pray for my friends. Community community community. Ok no longer can concentrate cause Chris and Wayne are in my room talking about life.