Monday, March 5, 2007
I can do this. I can do this. I can...do this.
I didn't get much sleep last night.
I was working on my assignment and the sad thing is I spent about 2 hours looking at books online to buy.
Why do I do this to myself? I know that everybody goes through major strains of procrastination but for some reason I feel like mine is rooted in a deeper issue/problem. (Other than my laziness which is pretty big in itself).
A lot of thoughts and deep issues are rising up within me these days. Things that I don't want to feel or deal with. Last week during reading week, I had a big pang of loneliness. The kind that is really deep and that nobody can understand.
I want out of this. I want out. How amazing would it be to be a person of diligence? How respectful and stewardly. I think right now, laziness is actually one of they key factors. But perhaps fear is another. Fear to know what I'm capable of? It sounds so idiotic but maybe it's a true too.
This week is going to be quite a...week. Nonstop work. Forget going to the movies or any dates. What was I thinking! Oh by the way, the thing between me and the boy is at the 'try out a few dates and see where it goes' kind of thing. Pretty cool except for the fact that I get nervous and can't talk properly when I'm with him. Har har.
Jesus can only help me. I feel as though I am leaning fully on his arm right now. Or something. Why do I feel or think this? Because I know myself and how tired I am physically and mentally and spiritually yet I am still holding up. I can still carry a conversation with smiles and not constantly think about my issues. This is the grace of God. I am no mighty person.
Well. Best of luck to me and everyone who is going to be leaning this weak!