I am a missionary

I'm so pooped from GKYM but I am so so blessed that I went.

I forgot again. (doh!)
I am a missionary. Yes even as a probable future graphic designer, I am a missionary. And even if I don't become what I plan, I shrug my shoulders because God has a plan for my life.

My plans for 2010 are open for Him. I had it all set up but my heart is open. My hands are open. I realized so much at this conference again.

I am a broken person. A sinner who was saved and I stand justified before the feet of God. My heart that is filled and constantly being held together by the love of Christ Jesus is wholly His. I offered (and I offer even in this moment in time) my everything and that made me feel so relaxed and peaceful and quite amazing inside. 'Ah rest for my soul'.

I don't want to use the word 'strategic', but I'll say that strategically I know what I need to do in my life. It came hand in hand with what I discussed with Pastor Young a few months ago after the Onnuri retreat. I keep giving excuses to live in a certain way because I see other people living in the same ways and it being fine. But I'm tired of wanting what other people have. I want my own. I want my own vision, my own plan, I want my God in the ways that He is always ready to pour into me.

My life is not ready for it. I know that if he spills more of this new precious wine into my life, it will all break. It will all spill away because I've seen it happen over and over again. It's time to stop compromising everything.

People are so hungry to know Jesus. We are so hungry inside. We are so thirsty inside for living water. Yet it's true. There are places in this world where they have never heard of this precious precious name of Jesus. God wants to be in relationship with them, he's been giving them dreams about Him. Yet we need to be the feet to spread it.

It's going to be difficult in 2010 I know it. I feel like this coming year will be a year where there will be very difficult choices to make. My insides will be stretched, my heart examined and refined through extremely painful and wordless ways. Am I ready to say 'yes?' I have so much fear but I need people's prayers. I can't do this on my own. I can't do anything on my own!

So for the few who have read this/glancing over this blog. If you could do a sister some good and pray for me. Pray for this possible one year alcohol fast that I might do. (A seemingly impossible stretch which is sad). And pray for my discernment for a certain situation in my life that I think I already know the answer to, but need absolute confirmation.

I feel like this post sounded a bit morbid (what is new....lisa you emo loser....hehe). But this page is kind of dancing before my eyes right now because I'm so tired. I will sleep until 5pm now.