Him and You.

I kissed your picture this morning
and I knew that you liked it

Every time I come back,
we have such a good time together.
Sometimes I forget that it started off with pain and confusion.

The curves of my body
The shape of my soul
I feel so pretty when I'm with you

It excites me!
Where will it go from here?
My whole life. Your whole Life.
So much to do. So much to feel and say.
Where will you take me?
Where will I take you?

Is it true?
It's true
Is it?
It is

You're so patient.
You're so loving.
You're so gentle.
You're so beautiful.

And you know me.
And you accept me.

I can do this. I can do this. I can...do this.

I didn't get much sleep last night.
I was working on my assignment and the sad thing is I spent about 2 hours looking at books online to buy.

Why do I do this to myself? I know that everybody goes through major strains of procrastination but for some reason I feel like mine is rooted in a deeper issue/problem. (Other than my laziness which is pretty big in itself).

A lot of thoughts and deep issues are rising up within me these days. Things that I don't want to feel or deal with. Last week during reading week, I had a big pang of loneliness. The kind that is really deep and that nobody can understand.

I want out of this. I want out. How amazing would it be to be a person of diligence? How respectful and stewardly. I think right now, laziness is actually one of they key factors. But perhaps fear is another. Fear to know what I'm capable of? It sounds so idiotic but maybe it's a true too.

This week is going to be quite a...week. Nonstop work. Forget going to the movies or any dates. What was I thinking! Oh by the way, the thing between me and the boy is at the 'try out a few dates and see where it goes' kind of thing. Pretty cool except for the fact that I get nervous and can't talk properly when I'm with him. Har har.

Jesus can only help me. I feel as though I am leaning fully on his arm right now. Or something. Why do I feel or think this? Because I know myself and how tired I am physically and mentally and spiritually yet I am still holding up. I can still carry a conversation with smiles and not constantly think about my issues. This is the grace of God. I am no mighty person.

Well. Best of luck to me and everyone who is going to be leaning this weak!