Orland-OH.

I farted REALLY loud before I shot this video...I hope other people in other balconies didn't hear me. so emBARassing.

Immersed.

Wow I have not prayed this much in one week since I got SAVED.

Every day it gets 0.01% easier.
Owning up to my own sin and mistakes.
Means being humbled but lifted up with God's pure and overwhelming love.
Constant prayer means constant peace.
Subdued pain made real with honesty of the heart!

Talking to each of my friends about the same issue makes me warmed.
Because each person responds differently in their own way.
But each way is in love and for that I am grateful and thankful.
SO thankful for anybody who has prayed for me once this week.

My eyes are focused on how one day I will be in heaven.
And my tears will be wiped away.
My focus is trying to realize that the kingdom is coming
And I need to wake up!
My realization is that God never left me.
He knows me. He loves me. He understands me.

I gave myself one week to be super sad, skipping all my classes or whatnot.
But joy comes with the morning.
And there's no wasting time feeling ones own pain
when theres so many other people in pain & dying around me, in this world.
He's got this.

Like my unnie friend said, "God knows what he is doing :)"
:)

I remember finding this picture online on a forum somewhere.

I want to read my Bible so much that it's in THIS state!

internalized question

I think my life revolves around this common theme and question of 'what is the root that makes me myself?'

I live life, I experience pain and hurt, and the opposite of that as well. Then one day I happen to look up or down, and then finally into my heart and realize I haven't been being real with myself. I start to ask, 'what is it that makes me myself?' 'What is it that is still me after all the mess-ups and good times?'

I know that I'm lost and confused. Yet there is also the choice of choosing whether to feel lost and confused. But sometimes I wonder if I choose not to be, whether I'm being real with myself. Living in denial is so much easier than having to admit that you don't have it together as much as you thought you did.

i realized something about myself and that is that i am never satisfied. With myself, with situations, with others, with life. Yes there's that never ending thirst but most of the time it isn't paired with gratefulness and that's where i lose joy.

I realized today that life has been revolving too much around my own heart and mind and not enough on others. I feel so much at a loss for my own cause that I feel like I don't have enough energy to give unto others as I should. I know God that you give full life and living water but I haven't been drinking. I want to drink differently because the past ways aren't working for me.

I've been saying 'something's got to change' 'something's got to change' for so long but nothing is changing. 'what is it in me that's holding unto something. what is it that i need to let go'. There are simple answers and then there are more complex ones.

I am so frustrated with my vanity. My desire to be liked by others, the desire to be right in the eyes of others. When will my heart pound eyes and action for only Christ alone? When will I start to learn that loving is the best way to go. How do I change my perspective?

The only peace I have these days is that Christ has risen. One day all of this will pass away, and he will wipe away all my tears. And I will be with him forever and ever. It's the only thing that is keeping me going.

My lent that made me abstain from sweets and things of the sort made me realize a few things about myself. One is that I am addicted to sweets and sugar. And two when you take something out of your life that isn't right for you, you need to fill it with something else that is. By not intaking sweets, I should've been intaking more of God's word. The same thing applies to my year alcohol fast. I'm not drinking alcohol but I should be drinking more of living water.

If these challenges to change weren't difficult, then it wouldn't be true change and character. There's a hurtful twist in your heart when you make a right decision that is hard to do. It's sad that I've only felt that twist a few times in my life, because I think those twists were what made my character, as little as it is, what i am made to be.

My thought are all jambled.

In service, I really liked those 'I am second' videos. It made me realize something that is so often forgotten and that is love. The father's love is what changes us inside. Love love love. Him loving us no matter how many times we've messed up. His love covering us and just wanting relationship with us. I love you Jesus, and I haven't said it on Easter Monday many times before, but thank you for the cross. And thank you for rising up on the third day. Peace comes with the truth~~

I gots hope y'all I dos.

the rittle things.

The other night I was riding the subway and I was playing scramble with my itouch.
This game has haunted to the point of addiction (but that's another story).
I looked up now and then and noticed an old Indian man (I am just assuming he was indian, maybe he was Trinidadian and I'm just being racist right now but anyway), who kept looking at me and was writing something on his pad of paper.

Usually this would piss me off because I don't like weird "starers" especially if they're old but for some reason it didn't bother me.
So it got to my stop and as I was getting off, the old man handed me a piece of paper and he had SKETCHED ME. Regardless I looked like a forty year old with skin problems but I was SO SO pleased! I've always dreamed for that to come true and it actually happened!! I couldn't stop beaming with smiles all the way to the coffee shop I went to!

It makes me think, how the 'rittle things' that strangers do for one another really can brighten up ones day (or night)! i think I might start doing little things like that too just cause I feel so blessed!

va-rin-tine

vs....



+



i can't explain any more because i'm getting daksal. HAHA

Randomosity

His realness begins from the moment I breathe
The wake of a new day
and the moment I say hello.

Quiet night sky with the stars above.
The airplane flies by and I know it's okay.
Because he's saying hello back.
Because he's saying 'I love you' still.

I love God's grace. I love how it is new each day and I love how it meets you with a different taste at different moments in your life. I love how God always allows U-turns. I love how God allows you to be tired in his arms and how he challenges you to the hurt-most core. With God, it's about being real. It's about being 100% or nothing. It's about living a crazy sort of life because he's sort of crazy sort of God who does crazy sorts of things.

!!!

Anyhowsers. I went on a lovely date today. We went to The Boiler House at The Distillery District and it was quite good there! And yes I suppose today is day one. (holymothersocscaredit'sbeenwaytoolongandidon'tknowwhati'mdoingbuthe'sagoodboysoit'llbeokay). :)

hard decisions

sigh.

sometimes you have to make hard decisions.
hard decisions so that you can make the best of your life.
decisions that God lets you choose to go one way or the other.
decisions that take that extra muscle in your character that is more difficult to use than the others.

even if people around you disagree with you.
even if your own heart disagrees with you.
but that one tic toc inside says mmhmm. "i'm here with you".

1.tick
2. tick

3, 4.

mini RAH RAH RAH

I am sick after a hiatus of not being sick for a year and a half.
Boo to my fail immune system!

I am so excited for this year. I am SO excited for 2010!
I am so ready to surrender and realistically change everything.
i told a few people this but there are four areas of my life that I want to work on specifically and those are:

1. boys
2. alcohol
3. laziness
4. materialism

To be honest I feel like the third one is going to be the hardest because I'm such a cow in so many ways.
Strength from God!

One other thing that i really really want to work on is building my relationships this year into stronger, more honest and truer ones. Especially with those girlfriends that I've come to know and love in the past few years (and months). I want to learn to love and stop thinking always about myself, ESPECIALLY with those girls (and one or two guys).

I am a missionary

I'm so pooped from GKYM but I am so so blessed that I went.

I forgot again. (doh!)
I am a missionary. Yes even as a probable future graphic designer, I am a missionary. And even if I don't become what I plan, I shrug my shoulders because God has a plan for my life.

My plans for 2010 are open for Him. I had it all set up but my heart is open. My hands are open. I realized so much at this conference again.

I am a broken person. A sinner who was saved and I stand justified before the feet of God. My heart that is filled and constantly being held together by the love of Christ Jesus is wholly His. I offered (and I offer even in this moment in time) my everything and that made me feel so relaxed and peaceful and quite amazing inside. 'Ah rest for my soul'.

I don't want to use the word 'strategic', but I'll say that strategically I know what I need to do in my life. It came hand in hand with what I discussed with Pastor Young a few months ago after the Onnuri retreat. I keep giving excuses to live in a certain way because I see other people living in the same ways and it being fine. But I'm tired of wanting what other people have. I want my own. I want my own vision, my own plan, I want my God in the ways that He is always ready to pour into me.

My life is not ready for it. I know that if he spills more of this new precious wine into my life, it will all break. It will all spill away because I've seen it happen over and over again. It's time to stop compromising everything.

People are so hungry to know Jesus. We are so hungry inside. We are so thirsty inside for living water. Yet it's true. There are places in this world where they have never heard of this precious precious name of Jesus. God wants to be in relationship with them, he's been giving them dreams about Him. Yet we need to be the feet to spread it.

It's going to be difficult in 2010 I know it. I feel like this coming year will be a year where there will be very difficult choices to make. My insides will be stretched, my heart examined and refined through extremely painful and wordless ways. Am I ready to say 'yes?' I have so much fear but I need people's prayers. I can't do this on my own. I can't do anything on my own!

So for the few who have read this/glancing over this blog. If you could do a sister some good and pray for me. Pray for this possible one year alcohol fast that I might do. (A seemingly impossible stretch which is sad). And pray for my discernment for a certain situation in my life that I think I already know the answer to, but need absolute confirmation.

I feel like this post sounded a bit morbid (what is new....lisa you emo loser....hehe). But this page is kind of dancing before my eyes right now because I'm so tired. I will sleep until 5pm now.

Love Snow

(deviant art)

It's been such a rush of things these past few weeks. Today I realized that even though I hate commuting to work and to school, it's the one time in my day that I get to really just rest and be still.

It was dark when I was walking home from the station today and it began to snow. It wasn't just any snow. It was LOVE SNOW. I love love snow. When the snow just slowly falls down and reflects when the light from the street lamp hits it just right. I slowed down my walking and I took a big deep breath. 'I love you Jesus' is all I said and I realized that I forgot the deep simplicity of love and my purpose in life.

That Israel and New Breed song "To worship you I live" really captures it at times. Over and over again he sings, "To worship you I live. To worship you I live, I live to worship you." And in that I realized that God is the only one who provides true rest.

Hm on another note, Pastor Young spoke about sacrifice last Sunday. I wondered to myself, 'what do I truly treasure and hold dear that I am not so willing to give up.' And my answers were food, sleep, and time. And I realized how barbaric that was and sad as well. Food because thinking about having to actually fast scares me. Sleep because I'm never willing to wake up an extra hour early to meet God. And time because I'm so busy with all that is 'life'.

In 1 Chronicles 21:24 David wants to build an alter to God after realizing his own sin. God tells him to build it on the threshing floor of a guy named Araunah, who offers to give it to David for free. This is David's response:

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying what it is worth.
I cannot take what is yours and give it to the Lord. I will not offer a burnt offering that has cost me nothing!"
So David gave Araunah six hundred pieces of gold in payment for the threshing floor.

I love that. And I wonder how many times in my own life I have given sacrifices to God that have cost me nothing. I bet it's more than I want to account for. I want David's attitude in life. I don't want to carry an empty cross and i don't want my words and actions to be burned as wood. If waking up earlier, fasting a meal or two, and giving more time to God and His people didn't cost me anything, they wouldn't be worthy sacrifices would they? HMmmm.

____________________________________

OH crudder!

I know I've been in a crudastic mood these days and I feel bad for going off at people in slightly angry ways.

I was taking a nap today and woke up to an unpleasant circumstance and wrote quite an angry email to my mom.
I always feel so bad about them afterwards but this one had to be sent. I hope all things work out well.. SIGH...SUPER BIG SIGH.

To keep my mind off of school and my desire to go to heaven right now because of thus, I'm going to list things I'd rather be doing right at this moment in time.

- sketching architecture in rome
- yelling out 'yah-hoooooo' on top of a korean mountain whilst taking a swig of fresh mountain water
- horseback riding in the country side
- eating a gigantic pancake. like HUGE.
- bungee jumping into water.
- being with susan and ashley doing anything. like vegging out or whaaaatever.

Today I was walking on a street near our school where there are design firms and small companies of the sort. One of them was on the second story roof and had clear windows so you could see inside. Awe-some. People were working on designs and the chairs and office spaces were just so lovely. One dude walked towards the window to look out and I waved at him. (Wow that kind of sounds loserish...but I was with a friend...!). And he waved back! And I felt like it was Christmas. I also felt like I would like to be the one waving at loser design student from up on 2nd story office one day, and not vice versa as well.

Anyways I can't wait for the break! Christmas dinners! Seeing old time friends! Going to the conference with Sohyung! Jesus you have blessed me with so much!

---------------------


Totally going to get these one day.

Old journal entries = Fail present self.

Does it ever happen that you try to look for a certain file in your computer and you come across a vast array of written diary entries that were hidden under secret code file names on your computer? (longest question sentence ever.) It just happened to me and my insides feel quite sick.

The reason is because I don't know where that Lisa went. I used to have so much passion. So much emotion. I cared about specific things and I had an opinion on life. I read my judgmental viewpoints and biases but I cherish that part of me back then because in those times I didn't care as much. I wrote for me. I wrote and took hold of my true thoughts even though I knew they were wrong. I stretched my insides more. I physically beat my heart because I could not take this adamant refusal of Christ-centered living without a fight, even though I knew and acknowledge that I fell every single day. I was willing to make a wrong so eventually I would get to that right.

The colour of my life is turning to grey, and I hate it. There are days where I am a bright green or a yellow, but there are rarely those days where I am a red. I need a part of my life back and I want to fight for it once again.

When I taught Bible study to grade 9 & 10 girls back in second year, we came up with this thing called a foodnalogy. Basically we would reflect and describe our spiritual condition by using an analogy of food (since we all love food. well most people love food so it's easier to get a grasp of what someone is trying to get at). I just updated my facebook with one but there are probably more. What I updated was 'It's like I'm eating a bologna sandwich trying to convince myself it's just as good as the amazing steak dinner i ate four weeks ago.' Another could be 'It's like I'm drinking watered down milk.'

I know I seem to only write when I have issues or bothersome thoughts but that's just my style. I swear I'm going to be 50 years old, look back on my blogs and journal entries and think I was one messed up emo kid. (half true). I don't know why I feel like I have to explain myself. Maybe it's because new people like Kevin Sun read my blog and think I'm going to jump off a cliff. I'm...fine. :)

On another more happy note (note to social self: people like happy notes), my small group. We're finally starting a Bible reading plan. We're trying out the 52 week Bible reading plan I found on the net for a month and see how it goes (maybe jump to another one or what not). If anybody wants a copy, lemme knowww.

From February 20, 2007:

Then you start hanging out with them.
And they start to get comfortable with you.
They share their lives with you, their jokes with you.
You share with them. Sometimes they don't understand but they accept you for who you are.
So you start getting into what they are already deeply into.
And what you do is familiar with them so they accept that you have accepted.
But deep down inside you have not accepted.
Deep down, you're just doing it to be accepted into this group of people who seem to know what they are living for.
Then one day down the line,
you'll see that you can't live for acceptance.
You can't live for lies.
So you'll break away and you'll run away.
But for some reason, you'll find that there is something that follows you, no matter how far you run.
And you wonder what it is but you ignore it.
You question what it is, but it never answers you.
Then one ordinary day.
You'll know.
It'll smack you in your face so hard and yet so light. Because it's been there with you all along.
That you do believe.
That you do know.
That it is real.
And that life is real.
The truth is real and it is within you.
Until that day.
Until that day.

Anyways if you're still reading. What's your foodnalogy?

I'll give myself a month.

In this wineskin journey, I was supposed to log but I completely forgot.

I was supposed to ask myself why I feel the way I do in certain circumstances. Question my reactions to situations and people. And really get down to the hardcore reasons behind my psyche. (hehe I used the word psyche).

Reading. Journalling. Blogging. Drawing.
Core Core Core.

So it's going to be 2010 soon! I'm quite dreading turning 24 next year. Even writing it out makes me shudder. God here I am open hands, open heart, with a pleasant scared smile on my face. Please use me and mold my life like playdough.

On another note I finally saw what a doodie looks like. Or wait what do they call them, other than 'joints'..doodie sounds cute so I'll say doodie. I have friends at school who are into this type of recreational activity. They are sweet guys but it kind of bothers me (only very slightly) when they call me 'innocent' for not having seen one before. Am I really naive and innocent? No I don't think of myself being that at all. I've travelled, and lived and experienced enough to be able to make what are seemingly wise decisions in my life. I never felt the need to try different things out but I know there's nothing stopping me from doing things either. I shrug my shoulders.

Anddd I think some punk kid just played nicky nicky nine doors on me. I walked all the way downstairs and opened the door to the empty street. I'ma get you kid. I'ma get you one day.

Anyways I'm going to reflect and reflect so I can make an epic end of year blogging entry to reflect all that I've learned and taken in this year! :)


A really cool art installation I found somewhere random on the net.

Under blankies. Want hot cocoa.

How has it been three months since my last post. That is insane.

I'm still struggling and reflecting on what it means to become a new wineskin. In this past week I've been seeking to have a more honest perception of my weaknesses, yet it's been difficult. When we fall in a deep pit, we come out of it depending on something. It's that something that we rely on for our self-worth, and I'm beginning to wonder if mine was really God. Yes in a greater sense it was but I'm coming to a place where it needs to go deeper than that.

New wineskin. A new way of thinking. A shifting of perspective. I think I need to be more proactive than reactive to everything that occurs around me. Once again it's hard because I tend to suck at life things in general but that's okay because Jesus doesn't and he's in me. :)

On another note, I haven't really told a lot of people but I think I'm going to stay. I still feel so hesitant saying it and I think it's because I don't want to be disappointed in the future again. This is my 7th church and I'm really hoping it'll be the 'last' but God calls us when we need to go. As long as I'm being obedient to Him in this moment then I'm at peace within myself.

I just realized my energy level is like 1.5/10 right now. Probably due to the fact that I was awoken from my peaceful slumber by visitors who are seeing the house. They didn't really end up coming upstairs when I said hi. I wonder if my face really looks that scary in the morning. So sad. Peaceful slumber was peaceful because I was exhausted from yesterday being awake from 6am-5am. It's something that I'll cherish being able to do while I'm young. I did see 7 shooting stars though and I feel so blessed!

Anyways I hate posting without a picture...even if it's not my picture.

Here is a picture a I like (even though it has nothing to do with my post)

No I don't want to be the one who lives a lie but never knew it

I received a book that I lent out back today. It's one of my favourite books: "Inside Out" by Dr. Larry Crabb.

It's difficult to read a book that preaches on things are, rather than how they should be. How long has it been I wonder since I've lived in such a state of mental denial. I'm not sure myself. It's refreshing and painful. It's character building.

I realize right now that what I've been crying out to God, and to my friends is relief. Relief from pain and confusion. What I wanted were easy solutions to difficult and complex problems. Yet he's been laying it down and down again so many times. That in spite of how messed up things can be, and how people can be: God is. Is this truth as easy to swallow as it is to say? No I don't think so.

"the route to joy always involves the very worst sort of internal suffering we can imagine. We rebel at that thought."

A quote from the book's introduction. I recall myself following in God's path so many times in the past; realizing that it takes pain and suffering to get to something good. But living a life in God is not the same as working a job or going to school. We study hard and work hard looking forward to those few days of vacation or freedom. "Ah now we can relax and feel good inside."

If the goal of my spiritual life is to 'feel good' and find relief from this pain, then I am headed towards a dark future, and a lot of disappointment. We groan for heaven but heaven is not now. The kingdom of God can be brought here on earth, but it's not heaven. Pain, disappointment, emptiness and loneliness are a part of life because there is sin in this world.

I hope that in the next few weeks of reflection I'll be filled with the Holy Spirit. Not to 'feel better', but to just be more closer and intimate with God. To remember truth. To remember love. To remember reality but to kiss it even if it burns instead of running away. My fear is to be a coward. I've said the same thing over and over, but hey humans are slow! I'm especially slower...and it'll take time to learn this important "lesson".

Anyways here's to prayer, drawing, reflecting, reading!

thanks Christine

So Christine just asked me if I had a blog and then I realized that I hadn't updated my blog for 2 months. This is for you...hahaha.

This will be short and sweet.


This was my last project that I did last semester. It has the Greek letters alpha and omega repeated over and over in india ink. It was my dedication to God for just him letting me be in this art program. A few days ago I had to take this photo because of my portfolio, and looking at it now makes me realize a few things. How I lack a kindness, a warmness towards my father in heaven. Sigh, knock knock on lisa's cold rock heart, let's get warm again. Back to Brampton or not?

Btw, I really want to go on a retreat. Should I crash Onnuri's?? Puhaha

Oh the joy!

I met up with Karan and Matthew today to venture off for some adventures in dt. We ended up doing a lot of artsy fartsy stuff (how cliche of us art students to do...). First thing was The Power Plant gallery. I laughed so hard while we were there. A lot of contemporary art these days can be really confusing. You can take it in one way or the other but it only really does seem to make sense (or sometimes not even) after you read the little artist blurb about the piece on the side. Video art installations were set up in these little rooms and when first walking in, it can be a little terrifying. The darkness. The random videos of people doing repetitive motions. A huge glowing globe in the middle of a pitch black room. Karan was actually scared to go in, I thought it was so cute.

I thought it was equally funny when he asked this question in all seriousness, "Wait so question, does Jesus want people to be straight?" Hopefully my answer was sufficient enough, sometimes things can get a little complex explaining 'Christian ideas' to non-Christians but I think the more one tries to go about it, the easier it is.

This verse comes to mind
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,"
1 Peter 3:15

We went to The Distillery District after. I LOVE this place. It was surprisingly my first time visiting there and I must venture there once again. It's such a romantic and lovely place to be in. I especially loved the cobblestones, and random wedded couple taking pictures. *girly sigh*. We went to a place called, "SOMA". It is a chocolate haven of amazingness galore. My friend recommended trying the 'Mayan Hot Chocolate' and it was amazing. The cool thing about it was how it was SPICY. Just like the hot chocolate in 'Chocolat'. *super cool thumbs up*.

Afterwards I was seemingly able to convince Karan and Matthew to buy sketchbooks and begin the practice of sketchboooking with me. (I feel so alone when I'm with them in my ventures with this 'art practice'). They agreed!! So we went to AboveGround and bought some supplies. I love that place. I also love how I finally bought a mini pocket watercolour set. It is SO CUTE! I also bought a Letraset=Tria water pen brush thing! You fill the pen with water so you don't need to bring water with you on outings.

Here's a pic


I really have to stop buying things. Especially since I have no money like all the time. If I'm to buy anything next (like a worthy purchase of some sorts), I think I would like to invest in a softball glove. I feel bad having to borrow Carmen's glove every time we have practice or games. I can't believe I actually think softball is fun. I originally just started cause I wanted to have more fellowship but seriously thumbs up to you Mr. Softball on your fun factor.

Tomorrow is volunteering at YSM day. Haven't volunteered in so so long. I should start up again. MmHm.

The Rentals

It's my week off and I decided to go home home for a few days. I forgot how awesome being home is. Moreover how awesome it is to eat good Korean food that is readily available all the time.

Seeing my parents has been good too. I usually see them once a week or every other week at least, but I guess I can't get enough of them! (Har..har har). To be honest, I am aware of how different and changing my relationship to my parents has been the past few years. It does keep getting better and better strangely enough. I used to think that 'Old korean ahjumahs and ahjuhshees don't change or grow spiritually' but now I don't think so. I see my mom growing in her faith, and I see my dad in his efforts to love me and my brother. I see both of them loving each other and trying to understand life together and I think it's really beautiful. The problem has always been me I think. The way I perceive them and treat them. I'm learning to treat them with respect always, trying to honor them with the actions I place in my life. My mom is my sister in Christ and my dad is my brother in Christ. But it's not always easy, especially if you live treating people in habitual ways.

Overall it's been interesting. I quizzed my mom yesterday with the love languages quiz and was interested to see her answers. It's easier to receive love from someone when you know how they love. And vice versa, it's easier to know how to love them too.

There's this book called, "Lady in Waiting" and it had some tips on what to look for in a husband. I remember one of them was to look for someone who strives to make good their relationships with everyone in their life. Especially their friends and their family. When I had read that, I thought that was a great thing to look for but I realized that I lacked so much in that area. I hope I'm better off now than I was then. It's foolish to hope to find someone with characteristics that you don't seek to find in yourself. But ya more on that point, I think if you meet a guy who treats you really well but doesn't maintain good relationships with his family and friends...it's probably a danger sign. Eventually you'll be treated how that person usually treats people in the future.

Woke up Calm.

I just majorly slept in right now, woke up past noon. I kept hitting the snooze button because I really liked the dreams I was having. I don't remember what they were except I was travelling in a group, and that group of people were definitely Joyful people. I hope this is what will actually happen in the future!

Anyways, I woke up calm and collected...and slightly happy. It's been a while since I've woken up like that. I finished reading 'Traveling Light' by Max Lucado yesterday and it was really encouraging for me. I had forgotten these truths, and when you believe with faith that they are truth, it is truly awesome and life-bringing.

I can't quite explain what's been going on intimately with me and God these days but it's been really great. Great amidst all the confusion and discouragement. Great because human situations do not faze the character of who God is in my life. To stretch ones heart muscle to be open to God's grace every moment is a hard thing to do, but like exercise it gets easier.

Talking about exercise! I've been trying to be more active. I figure I hate working out but I do like people and so I'm trying to do more 'sports'. It's quite crazy of me I know, but I think it's fun. So I decided to join our church's softball team. I'm trying to find people to play tennis with me. I'm going to a golf course finally next week, and I'm going to hike with Carmen this friday! Exercising has made me realize how sad and pathetic I am physically. All these things I've learned in health sciences, may they come to being this year!

On another note, my boy fast has been quite good too. (Alcohol fast is going well too). It's interesting how other people in my life seem to be more concerned for my single state than I am. I probably have put this upon myself with my time to time complaining of how 'I can't picture myself with anybody'. But it's hard because I truly feel I am changing inside but bringing that up to people is hard. People doubt change in other peoples' hearts until they see results in action. Yet my heart being changed in this matter is kind of hard to show. I am beginning to trust God a little more each day and be more satisfied in him. I hope my time being spent on myself will be transferred more to other peoples' lives through all of this.

I just remembered I got asked out yesterday by this Brazilian dude at school. I think he just wants to be friends but I'm gonna bring out Karan (who has never had korean food before) to come with us to Korea-town. We all met together at the same time anyway~ Okay, I think I'm going to go out now & sketch or something.

Journal Frenzy

Drawing of all the journals I am currently using. It's madness.

Being in art stores is like being in chapters for me except worse. I want to buy everything but I am limited by how much my wallet hurts...like every day. I slipped today and bought a new journal/sketchbook when I really don't need one at all! ("But the paper is so thick and wonderful" the evil Lisa says).


Should I return it? It cost me like...18 dollars. *eep*

And Oh lordy, I smell french fries and bbq outside. I am jealous extreme! I am stuck home today doing my projects due next week. Turned down the beach, going to the golf range, and playing tennis/chilling with Joyful girls for this STUPIDNESS!! Okay it's not quite stupid but I is sad. :(